May my writing not become an idol, not be the first thing I go to, not take the place of my relationship with God.
There have been many times in my journey with God that I have been distant and practically ignored him. If it were not for my prayer group and church support who walked alongside me, sharing each others struggles and hearing the words of God through them, things would be very different. He is on my mind, he is in me, but why do I put him last instead of first? It would be much easier to do it the right way round. The bombardment of everyday life – my flesh is stubborn and I go my own way, but eventually I am brought back to him, one way or another.
What a patient God we serve! He is understanding and knows our hearts, he knows what we go through. He has lived it too. He knows me best, so I need to keep in step with him.
As I go through my journals over the last 18 years I see a pattern of distance and then coming back, always coming back to the Father. Knowing who I am, secure in Christ, has helped me, and the teachings of grace at church, reinforced in a small group where questions come up and are rehashed until the truth sinks in.
I often feel like Gideon in the Bible. He was weak and undermined himself, mediocre, dull. Until God plucked him out of his hiding place. Same with me – he found me and changed me, but it didn’t happen overnight, and it is still going on. I do have a healthier view and I am often reminded of how God feels about me. But the world does bring that reality out of focus at times. That’s when I have to readjust my mirror and get back to the right thinking again. Knowing I am not condemned, that I am highly favored, valued and loved beyond measure, cared for and desired by the King of the universe to be in relationship with!
We have all been wired that way, for relationship with our Father.
Extract from a journal a few years past, a good day:
Father, What a blessing to be out here in my special place, the tree house, to be with you, enjoy you and share with you. I am truly blessed. You have done real wonders in my life, but whey should I be amazed – you are God! I don’t know why I don’t do this more often, it is my resting place, doing what I love, but yet I let other things take precedence. I hear the beautiful song of your birds, I see the greenery, the flowers, I hear the wind, gently blowing, the rain getting ready to fall, but uncertain.
This is Day 26 of Prison Break of Thoughts – 31 Days of Inner Release that is part of the #write31days challenge.