Day 22 of Prison Break of Thoughts – 31 Days of Inner Release

My only girl … my green eyed, blond haired girl – How I love her and owe so much to her.  Induced into this world, knowing that it was better being cocooned inside for as long as possible, rather than out in the wide world, she was smart from the word go,  She knew what she wanted and got it.  It was like we had this perfect structure of communication without words.  I wish it was the same 18 years on, but sadly I do not gain full marks in communication now.

I was mostly a stay at home mom which suited her perfectly.  Her love language is quality time.  Mine isn’t.  I remember playing dolls with her, and helping her feed stuffed animals all in a row, reading to them, and her.  I did whatever I was instructed to do and I was happy.  Sometimes I needed time for myself and this did not always sit well.  She liked to have someone around with her, and preferred that it was me.  Her brother, 4 years her senior, was a great playmate and very patient with her, until the sibling fighting stage started.  She made lots of friends from early, knowing that she needed them. She is fiercely loyal.

My only girl loved the simple things, like the Chefette playground, dancing and music, shopping, Cattlewash holidays, pool parties, pasta, cookies ‘n cream icecream.  She always talked about what party she would have months before her birthday came around, sleepovers, her favourite.

We have enjoyed some trips together, just the two of us, and they were special memories, we want more…  I have my regrets, as parents do, that I did not spend as much quality time with her as I could have when she was young, and now it is too late.  But is it?  I don’t think so.  We make those moments together count now.  Whether it is sitting on the beach together while she sunbathes, or being nearby while a texting war is taking place. Or making lunch together, or watching Netflix, or helping her decide what to wear to the next outing, just talking, or lying down together … but not talking about when she would be leaving to go away again.

My only girl sets very high standards for herself.  Maybe she has picked up my being hard on myself and not always liking myself.  I wished I had portrayed a different picture so that she could value herself as the treasure that she is, that pearl of great price.  But I pray on, faithfully, and trusting that it will come as she journeys through life.  I hope she has picked up that with God in me I do see myself differently, special now, deeply loved and untarnished.

My girl gets upset when things don’t go the way she has planned.  It is hard for her to make a new way when plans change.  Yet she can navigate flawlessly through change in the electronic arena, and in other areas.  She has tremendous insight, and an amazing gift for writing; it seems so effortless for her to come up with a free flowing poem or an essay, or summary from a massive. complicated text.

She is my only girl, but she is her own person, and I must not find myself controlling her choices, but quietly listen and be gently guiding her, and continuing to pray that she will choose wisely.  She is not afraid of standing up for a friend, for stepping in when someone is being taken advantage of, even when it means she is labelled or unpopular. She is a true friend.   She is very courageous and she is strong, but tender hearted and sensitive.  She is unique, fearfully and wonderfully made.  I LOVE YOU, MY ONLY GIRL!

Today is Day 22 of Prison Break of Thoughts – 31 Days of inner release