Half way through this write 31 days series! The posts have sometimes been off the beaten track, but I understand this happens with writers as new ideas emerge and need to be voiced.
I wrote the following almost exactly 2 years ago in one of my journals: “I’ve realised that I have been living through someone else. I have been reveling in their glory. I have been spending too much time waiting, not on God, but waiting to hear more, to satisfy my craving, my idol: Facebook / electronic recognition. There, I have admitted it – I crave recognition, I crave encouragement, and I get it this way, through someone else’s success – my son, my daughter’s achievements, my Moms in Prayer Ministry … What am I really afraid of? Failure, rejection, not pleasing people close to me? Just do it – do that desire of my heart. Don’t just dream and adopt a defeatist attitude. Do what you’ve wanted to do ever since you were a teenager. It’s not too late. Do what you’ve been called to do …. Get it done!”
Was that a spectacular, headline prison break that we were all waiting for? Not quite, I’m afraid. More likely, after 2 years I was being released on my own recognizance, on the condition I write every day. And since 2 weeks ago I am a fully fledged joy Writer.
I used to be glued to Facebook. Somehow it provided that safety, that ‘good’ procastination, that partial connectivity, that acceptability, satisfying that deepest longing to be known. But Facebook was my time stealer, and I was able to get unstuck eventually. I still go on it every few days for a few minutes to check messages and see if the kids have posted anything, or to wish a friend a happy birthday or to ‘like’ something spectacular. And my heart still skips a beat hearing from the kids, both overseas, they communicate well and often with us. And I am still in other mini-prisons, a bit like holding cells, for chocoholics and nail biters.
I am not too bothered. I am doing what I love.
Today is Day 15 of the series Prison Break of Thoughts – 31 days of Inner Release that I am writing for #write31days challenge.